I have a new form of entertainment in my life. Bear in mind I don't get out much, but even so it is fun. Between 7 and 7.15pm I tune into Radio 4 and shout at Helen Archer (for the unconverted amongst you, Helen Archer is a character in The Archers - she's annoying at the best of times, but right now she is mid way through her first pregnancy and has become the most unbelievable know-it-all, preaching about pregnancy to all and sundry. This being The Archers she will have her come uppance but in the meantime I just like to screech 'you have no idea you stupid woman!' at the radio whilst doing the washing up. As I said, I don't get out much.).
Helen Archer is the epitome of those newly pregnant first time Mums you occasionally come across who haven't got a clue. She does the reading and the research about pregnancy and birth and then falls into the trap of thinking 'my pregnancy / birth / baby will be like this because I will make it so' inferring that those who do not have the perfect pregnancy / birth / behaved baby have somehow managed to bring it upon themselves because they didn't do it right.
Now, there is every chance that her pregnancy will progress brilliantly and all will be lovely. And that would be great, it is wonderful when things go to plan and I hope that every mother has the opportunity to have the pregnancy that she would like. But real life isn't always like that. Real life is a bitch. Furthermore babies are not like that. They are individuals, humans with their own desires, wants, ways of doing things and little quirks. Just because you put them down to sleep at a certain time (all routined up) is by no means a guarantee that to sleep they will go.
I worry about the people, like Helen Archer, who are not prepared for the concept of looking after another individual person. I've seen a few times now new mothers really struggling, and sometimes it is because they simply have never, in their lives up until now, had a situation when they have not been in control. Or at least in a situation where if they do x, y, z then a, b, c will happen. Babies teach us that just because we've read the books and mastered the theory does not mean that it will happen. To have too fixed an idea of how things must be is a recipe for disaster.
That is not to say people shouldn't be prepared or not to read or research aspects of having a baby. Indeed, the more knowledge the better. But instill as well an understanding that just because things 'should' be done like that doesn't mean that things 'will'. And in my book that is ok. It doesn't matter. It doesn't make you any less of a good parent. That's just the way things are, and to accept and embrace that is the road to sanity.