Now the boys are back at school and the mornings are my own again it is time to remove my head from the sand and recognise that in about 6 weeks I shall be the proud mother of not 2 but 3 bouncing boys (all going well). I need to work on this, I've not really had the time to get my head round the fact that in the really quite close future there will be another baby in this house. Occasionally I forget I'm pregnant - right up until I misjudge how big I am and get stuck. No, I need a few weeks to think BABY! or come October I'm going to be holding the new lad and thinking 'wow, where on earth did that come from?'
There's a few things to be done. I need to find the buggy. It's somewhere, I just know it, if only I could remember where. Ditto new born clothes and moses basket.
Then there is the where to give birth question. I'm lucky, there is a lot of choice here there's an excellent hospital (with midwife unit attached) about 10 minutes down the road. Or I could do it at home.
Now I like the idea of home births. Sounds terrific, they always sound so relaxing, so comfortable. But I also know that they aren't for me. I have a sneaking suspicion that home births are for people who's houses are not quite as chaotic as mine. Let me sketch you a few likely scenarios of a home birth chez Pants and you'll see what I mean.
Scenario One: The dog, always one for getting close to any excitement, gets a bit too close for comfort at every crucial stage of the proceedings.
Scenario Two: The dog gets shut away in the kitchen to prevent scenario one. She doesn't ever like being shut out, let alone when there is clearly something so exciting going on, and starts howling (which she always does whenever shut in the kitchen). She can howl as long as we can shut her in the kitchen. She gets let out. See Scenario 1.
Scenario Three: The midwives turn up, don white gloves and rapidly discern that there is no way I can bring a child into this mess, dirt and general carnage. Alright, I know this scenario isn't going to happen, but I know how filthy my house can get, and my cleaning is not what you would call up to scratch now I'm 8 months pregnant. Tragically the nesting instinct has never struck either so no use relying upon that.
Scenario Four: Getting into the swing of labour, things pootling along nicely. In those in between bits, between contractions when you can make the odd lucid comment, I'll fret about whether we have enough milk in the fridge for all these visitors, or should I have bought another set of chocolate biscuits to offer around. Worry about this far more than actually thinking about giving birth.
Scenario Five: Parking on our road is always a contentious issue. There is nothing that irritates me more than seeing someone park, lock up their car and then carrying a bag head off for the station so pleased that they have saved a few pounds by not parking in the station car park (yes woman who parked your car right in front of my house a week ago I AM thinking of you). Anyway, imagine the scene, I spot such a digression. What is the likelihood that I might take it upon myself to bawl said digressor out. Given my predilection for some fine language during moments of child birth, the answer is 'likely'.
Scenario Six: We live in a terraced house. Our neighbours are ever so lovely but we can hear quite a lot of what they are up to next door. I'm just not sure I fancy them learning a few new phrases as I come up with new ways to tell Dave that we are not having any more children ever at any point in our lives and it doesn't matter that I've said that twice before and whilst I'm at it... (I'll leave the rest to your imagination).
Scenario Seven: Or my young boys, come to that.
Scenario Eight: In hospital I shall be caring for one baby. At home I will have one baby and 2 boisterous boys to look after. Hospital might just be a bit more peaceful, restful and give me a bit of time to bond with the baby, before I have to say 'sorry kid, I do hope you are not a fan of peace and quiet because that isn't going to happen much in the next few decades'. Yes, bizarre as it may seem, hospital life could be a bit of a rest.
So, although I think it must be wonderful for those able to give birth at home, I know, just really know, that it isn't the right choice for me*. I think the midwife led unit sounds fab. And if required I can just head a few floors down in a lift to see a consultant. Now, I just need to remember what you need to pack in a hospital bag...
*I should probably also mention that I've not had the greatest giving birth history and would have ended up in hospital anyway both times, so a home birth has not been advised for me anyway. I have not made the decision based on the reasons above alone. I'm not totally this shallow. Well maybe a just little bit shallow but there are other reasons I can fall back on to validate my decisions and make it look like I'm not. Ah hem.