In my neighborhood, there is no way to run any less than three hills in each workout unless you run laps around the cemetery. Because of this, I often find myself dreading runs or getting overly excited when I get a chance to run somewhere flat. Whenever I head out the door, I'm telling myself that I'm going to walk up the hills, but I'll run everywhere else. For months, I've been at peace with this decision. I had to realize that walking part of my run doesn't make me any less of a runner.
Growing up, we had always walked a loop we just referred to as "Shaffer's Hill." It's just shy of 3 miles, but it consists of a pretty long hill right in the middle. I had always walked it because I didn't believe in running until I was 25. I spent many summer mornings meandering my way around the 3 mile loop, taking almost an hour to walk the three miles, but feeling accomplished that I got out and did it nonetheless.
Back when I first started to get into running, I was so excited about the day I was finally able to run that loop the whole way. But then... I started hating hills.
While I was visiting my family over Memorial Day weekend, my mom and I went for a morning run. While mom and I were out, we ran the whole hill and I didn't die. The next morning, I went for a run and did it again and I still didn't die. When I came back home and went for my next run, I ran all of those hills too.
On that next run, I got to thinking about what exactly it is about running hills that I don't like. Really. What am I afraid of? Am I afraid it's going to hurt? Am I afraid I'm going to be short of breath? That I might sweat a little more? That I might not make it?
I realized it's never been a question of being afraid that I won't be able to run the whole thing. That's never been an issue for me. Anytime I can't do something, I always thinking about that 235-pound girl who would've done anything to be able to run from stop sign to stop sign, to finish with the rest of the pack running the mile in gym class rather than holding up the class from being able to go in and change. She wouldn't care that she doesn't run 10-minute miles or marathons. That girl would be thrilled to be out pounding the pavement, regardless of whether she was running the hills or ran everything but those hills.
I truly think the thing that holds me back from running hills is that fear of fatigue at the top. If I run that hill, am I going to be so winded and are my legs going to be so tired that I can't finish the rest of my run? And that brings me to another question... why am I so afraid of that? I don't think there really is an answer other than that I've never really pushed myself and I need to.
So now what?
Dammit, Heather... just put your head down and go.