... . and then need a full on spinal to get the (very) bloody placenta out!
1. Be 2 weeks over due. Go into hospital to be induced.
2. Get given very plush Family Room (with sofa bed, microwave and everything - God Bless the NHS) on the wards.
3. Have the prelim parts of the induction, have husband mutter about going home to get something to eat. Get given a paracetamol.
4. Wait until everyone going to sleep.
5. Go into labour. Fast. Too fast to go to the Delivery suites (3 floors down). Too fast to allow now starving husband to get home for food / order a takeout / go to a vending machine. Too fast to do anything except get the midwives on duty to come and do their thing.
6. Be told that there isn't any pain relief on the wards, it is all in the Delivery suite. Swear. A Lot. At the midwives. At volume. Beg a bit. Crush husbands hand. Swear a bit more, even more loudly.
7. Have a baby. A beautiful, gorgeous, little superstar baby just before midnight.
8. Apologise to midwives for language. Think about apologising to all the other women on Level 6 at the JR. The swearing was indeed rich, colourful and, er, earthy.
9. Realise I still have to get the placenta out. Realise it ain't coming.
10. (sometime later) everyone else realises it ain't coming.
11. Down to the Delivery suite to see the Doctors who all agree it ain't coming and needs to be removed manually
12. Get given a spinal (couple of hours too late if you ask me... ) and go into theatre. Draw pretty veiled curtain over the scene, those who've been there know what happens, those who haven't had to undergo it should remain spared the imagery.
13. Go back up to the wards with my lovely baby boy snuggled up beside me. Husband finally goes home to get some food. At 5am.
Time taken for points 1 - 7: 90 minutes
Time taken for points 8 - 13: about 5 hours.
Worth it? So very very worth it.
